Someone Tried to Rob Me Today

Someone tried to take my purse while I was at Walmart today. I smacked them with the broom I happened to be putting into my trunk at the time. It turns out that I deal with thieves the same way that I deal with threatening dogs (fitting analogy if you ask me).

Now, there’s a lot of things I can talk about here. As the adrenaline hit me on my way home, my mind was rushing around at a thousand miles an hour. I could talk about how people react to desperation (the woman who tried to steal from me was young, and looked well-kept but probably impoverished. I don’t know her story and I don’t care to). I could talk about how this sort of thing has never happened at that particular Walmart before, because normally my husband is with me. I suppose that means that I could talk about how women are more likely to be victimized than men. Or I can take it the other way and show that women can be just as criminal or just as able to defend themselves as their male counterparts. I could talk about the awesome quality of this broom (seriously, not a dent. 10/10). But instead, I’m going to bring up something else relating to the entire incident.

After I’d hit the woman with the broom and told her to get the hell into her car and the fuck out of here (my vocabulary changes a bit when I’m angry), I picked up my purse and went back to loading bags into my trunk. One of the people nearby (Seriously, there were quite a few. I’m not sure what that woman was thinking) started helping me pack my stuff up. He seemed nice, but at one point he jokingly said “Man, I wish I’d had my gun with me.” That caught me by surprise. Why? What could your gun have done that my awesome broom-wielding techniques didn’t?

I mean, besides kill someone.

That’s really it. There is nothing that a gun could have added to the situation rather than a whole lot of danger and possibly death. As infuriating as the entire ordeal was, this particular problem did not require that level of violence. Even if the woman had succeeded in stealing my purse, she would have only gotten my old college IDs, a scarf, and a book I haven’t finished reading yet. And the purse itself, of course. My driver’s license and debit card weren’t even in there (they were in my pocket with my receipt from the store). It would have been annoying, and I probably would have felt violated, but I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to die over it. It wasn’t even his purse. Would he really have been willing to kill someone in a Walmart parking lot over that?

It amazes me how many people think that guns are the catch-all response to any sort of offense. And a lot of the time it sounds completely idiotic to me.

For example, I’m a high school teacher in a very republican state, so of course I’ve heard the argument that teachers should be able to carry guns to school in order to save their students in case of an emergency.

My response: What in the nine hells is wrong with people? As far as I know, anytime a gun has gone into a school, children have died. And you want to up the number of days and the number of guns in schools at any given point? That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. A horrible, sickening, entirely preventable disaster. Even in the unlikely chance that some crazy person with a gun did come into our school and threaten our students, my first response would be to get students out of the way of any possible bullets, not add more bullets to the general vicinity.

Anyway, that’s off-topic. The point is, that sometimes people don’t need to die for their stupidity. Sometimes, a smack and a stern talking to is all it takes. What would have happened if that helpful guy HAD had a gun today? Would there be blood all over my purse? Would that have even been worth it? And, more importantly, is that the direction that our country is taking?

Seriously, though. This new broom is sweet. My house is going to be SO FREAKING CLEAN.


7 thoughts on “Someone Tried to Rob Me Today

  1. When I read that someone tried to rob you, I thought, “that’s terrible.” When you got to the part about the gun I was completely gobsmacked. Overkill much?!? (Pun not intended but totally appropriate.) Living in Canada, we don’t even hear things like this, let alone potentially witness the… level of idiocy that could possibly ensue. I’m still shaking my head…
    On a more personal note, have you moved yet? I haven’t seen Tucker on Facebook lately.


    • I know, right? It’s a crazy, crazy world.

      Tucker moved a week ago, but his computer isn’t working yet, so it might be a bit before he gets back on Facebook. I’ll be moving in a few more months once school is out.

      Thanks for reading. It’s nice to hear from you!


      • Months? Wow, you must miss each other. In the meantime, I’d stay out of Wal-Mart if I were you.
        Thanks for the follow. It’s great to connect with you here. 🙂


  2. My goodness. What a way to turn a negative into a positive. Talk about creativity under pressure. You made such a great argument for gun control and in such a creative way, that I’d post this on the Bill of Rights if I could. Amazing job, and it does sound like a good broom.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. All joking (left on your facebook post) aside I do agree with you. “For every action there is an EQUAL and opposite reaction.” Ok so Mr. Gun-Wish, if you had escalated the scenario with the simple threat of IMPLIED violence, what would have resulted from such an action. That is not an equal reaction, that is an overpowering one, for which there must be yet another reaction. And if that reaction is also over the top, what becomes the end result?

    While I do not personally agree with “eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind,” I can personally attest that “An eye for a limb leaves the whole world dead.” Implying of course that if reactions are not equal that they escalate, and for pete’s sake people. If you must exact vengeance, be equal or at least creative. Loss of life over a purse? Wars have started over less.


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