Love and Sacrifice

My husband and I have been married for nearly five years. While it’s had its ups and downs, I can confidentially say that the majority of the last five years have been a wonderful experience. But I will be honest– I have never felt closer to my husband than I do right now.

Here’s the thing– Husband and I recently decided that we want to go to Pompeii together. We’ve only been on one trip since we got married, and one of our goals in the future is to have children, so it makes sense for us to aim for this particular aspiration while we are still able to do so with just the two of us. That we would choose one of the world’s most tragic archaeological sites as the one place we want to see more than anywhere else might say something about us– either that we’re perfect for each other or that we’re sociopaths. I’m hoping it’s the first one.

Anyway… Planning a trip like that is hard. And costly. In order to prepare for it I’ve taken on a second job and am averaging 60 hours a week. I’m not going to lie– it sucks. A lot. I’m tired all the time and I can’t even remember when my last day off was (I just checked. It was the 4th). But… it’s okay. Because every time I take on a new shift or put on the work uniform that I loathe with every fiber of my being I get to remind myself: “this isn’t about me. This is about us. Our trip.” And somehow, I make it through. Every day I get the chance to ask myself: “do I really need a tea on my lunch break? No. No I don’t. Pompeii is more important.” And, while that dollar doesn’t seem like much, I feel like it’s a dollar towards something important, and I am happy for it.

The biggest thing about this is that I am constantly consciously making decisions to put my relationship before my own needs– and I know my husband is, too. Somehow, these little (and big) daily sacrifices make me feel closer to my husband than any of the other ones we’ve made over the course of the last five years. And that’s an amazing feeling.

Now, don’t get me wrong– making sacrifices for each other is not a new thing in any relationship. But I think it’s different now because we’re both constantly reminding ourselves why we make these sacrifices, rather than just doing what we’ve always done without reminding ourselves why it’s important to us. I think if we forget why we do things for our significant others, those actions become resented burdens rather than loving gifts. So every time one of us forgoes fast food or a night out with friends, we get a chance to remind ourselves that we’re part of something more now.

And I think that’s beautiful.

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6 thoughts on “Love and Sacrifice

  1. Didn’t you just post on facebook a few days ago that your husband got charged overdraft fees and it fucked up ur plans? If he spent that much, Im guessing he’s probably not “sacrificing” nearly as much as you are. He probably hasn’t cut down his spending at all. Does he still smoke? Still suck down Mountain Dew all the time? Still spend to much money on cars and motorcycles that don’t work? He might actually be spending MORE money then he used to because he knows ur working all those hours and can bail him out. Like remember when you moved? He was supposed to save money and get you settled in your new place but you ended up paying all the rent AND shelling out almost 5grand in the first week? And then he bought a fuckin’ car that cost way to much and you started feeling suicidal? He’s the reason you aren’t teaching anymore, too. I think youve given up way more than he has and you need to think about urself.

    I’m sorry, Tahani, but your my friend and I want you to think about these things. You sound like a poor woman whos always making excuses for her abusive husband. Its not healthy.

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    • I don’t recognize your name, but I must know you somehow. If you’re honest about being my friend then I want you to listen to me very carefully, as I will only say this once: Do Not Say Shit About My Family Ever Again.

      I love my husband more than life itself, and you know NOTHING of the sacrifices he has made while trying to help me through depression, lesson plans, fears, and a million other things every single day since the day we met. You’re right– he’s not perfect. But neither am I. And it’s obvious that you’re not either. But at the end of the day my husband does whatever he can to make sure that I have a life worth living. Did you know he’s cooked every meal since we got married? Every. Single. One. Or that he’s really the only person that’s taken care of the cat boxes or fed the pets (because, seriously, I can’t be depended on). Did you know that every night he lets me pick what we watch, and that sometimes we have conversations until dawn about everything and nothing– because sometimes neither of us want to stop talking to the other so that we can sleep.

      No. You fucking didn’t. Because you’d rather make judgmental comments about someone you cannot POSSIBLY know like I do, and try to ruin a happy post I wrote about how much I LOVE my husband with cynicism and a possible attempt to push me towards divorce. That’s a bitch move, “Brit.” And, speaking of which, I’m pretty sure you did all of this under a false name because I only know one “Brit” and she has a remarkably higher grasp on the English language and its proper usage than you do.

      So you’re right– I need to think about myself. And I’m thinking that I’m going to stay with the one person on the whole fucking planet that makes we actively and consciously want to be a better person. I think that I want to continue living a life that has more smiles than tears and that has goals and aspirations like Pompeii and children and a hand to hold when I’m 90. Here’s hoping that you can say the same.

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    • I’m not sure whether, as a “friend,” you are criticizing Tahani for voicing her thoughts and opinions openly, or her husband for what you very wrongly perceive as abuse, but what comes through in your vitriolic, venomous attack on Tahani’s post, is this; you have no idea who Tucker and Tahani are as a cohesive unit, which in turn indicates that you have no inkling of the compromises that successful couples are required to make for each other in order to remain successful, and maybe your ideas of this wonderful couple’s “abusive husband” nature is far enough off base to show a definitive skewing towards a ridiculously one sided relationship.

      Well, princess, the thing that I love about Tucker andTahani is their ability to be open and honest with each other, and the world in general. They have both exhibited the ability to admit mistakes honestly, and will do whatever necessary to rectify those mistakes. They misjudge, they fail, and they make assumptions that may not be correct, and when their missteps are brought to their attention, they don’t make excuses, they get their asses in gear and do something to make it better if they can, and if they can’t, they regret openly the mistakes they made.

      Relationships are hard. People like you make them harder, with your skewed perspective. Stop your internal dialogue, and understand this; people like you are wrong for trying to make a hard thing harder.

      So, why don’t you just fuck off with your bullshit opinion. It is unwelcome, unnecessary, and unflattering to both you and they.

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    • Actually, this is quite accurate.
      Everybody knows that I completely neglect poor Cinderella — I mean Tahani– and spend all of her hard earned money on lavish jazz parties while I stare longingly at a single green dock light shining from across the lake… That’s basically all I do with my time, really.
      Just jazz parties and fancy automobiles.

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  2. Ooooh, I am so livid I probably shouldn’t be writing this. I just want “Brit” to know that both you and Tucker have made sacrifices for your relationship-that is what MAKES a relationship. GRRR–I need to sign off. Love you both very much! Wendy

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