The Fight Continues

This is short update on the various posts about mental health and treatment  that I’ve been putting up over the last couple of weeks.

First, I want to say that my medication is working well, and life is… good. I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts in almost a week, and I feel certain again that I can face any challenge that comes my way. I smile more, and things don’t seem as overwhelming. I’m back to looking forward to challenges and overcoming difficulties. I’m writing again. And I remember what it is to feel unbreakable. There are some cracks in the armor, still, but I at least feel like they’re repairable. Every day is a little bit better. And, more importantly, I’m still trying to make it better for other people that suffer from depression in my community. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can do something about it. I don’t feel weak and insignificant anymore. I don’t feel like I’m unworthy of change.

I think that all of this bodes well for the conversation I’m supposed to be having on Tuesday. I’m scheduled to talk with the VP of Operations and a team of people at the original hospital that “treated” me for my depression a few weeks ago (if you haven’t read that story, click here). They say they want to hear my story and learn from my experience… but I’m going to be honest: I’m not sure I trust that. That’s probably not the best mindset to have when entering a meeting that has the potential to do a lot of good, but I can’t help but wonder if this is just an attempt to placate the crazy woman who’s causing too much of a stir. Why would they see me as someone who could possibly have anything valid to say? They’re trained doctors and I’m a mental health patient who can be ignored for six hours. And if I’m not 100% rational in everything I say and do on Tuesday, they’ll be able to just write off my attempts as hysteria and move on. Then nothing will ever change.

If I’m going to do this, I need to be at my best. I am an intelligent, professional young woman. I am more than a suicide risk. And other mental health patients deserve to be seen the same way– because who we are when we walk in for help is not the person we want to be. But if we’re ignored, we never get to be that person again. And if we’re charged $1400 for being ignored, we’ll never try again, either.

I know that talking with these people does have the potential of helping others with mental health issues. As I look through the last several posts I’ve put up here, and at other writings I didn’t even share, it’s hard to see how… broken I felt. It’s hard to recognize that that was me. That that’s too many people out there, who haven’t gotten the help they’ve searched for. Most people’s stories wouldn’t have ended like mine– most people wouldn’t have had the support to get them the help they needed after their initial attempt failed. Most depressed people don’t care enough about themselves to speak up. And that’s what I want to relay to the people I’ll be speaking to. I feel confident and sure of myself. I’m aware of the world around me and want to fit into it again– but I am not a good representation of people with depression. Because a lot of those people can’t stand up for themselves. Can’t fight back.

Hopefully, that’s where I come in. Wish me luck.


3 thoughts on “The Fight Continues

  1. You are the person they need to hear from. You are intelligent and articulate and they NEED to listen to you! The health care field has recently been enamored by the principle of ‘customer satisfaction’. This is where you nail them to the wall! If they are truly serious about it, they have to understand that they need to treat mental health patients with the same respect and consideration that they should give to any other patient. I have faith in you and I know that if anyone can make a difference here, you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great writing, Tahani. I think that when you meet with the people from the hospital they will fall over themselves to get you to see their point of view. Okay. You may see their point of view, even repeat back the key points. On the other hand, I hope you will tell them that you want them to do more than just placate you. That’s when you start to get up as though you were leaving. They should stop you then. Make them promise to do more. Make them talk to you again on another occasion to tell you what they did. We’ll be looking for changes in their methods. You know. Like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good points. I’ll do my best.

      Your wife said she’s come with me for emotional support. So, she’ll tell you whether or not I do okay. Thanks for being there for me and reading this blog-thing. I appreciate you.


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