I have no idea why I’m roped into the topic of abortion as often as I am. But I’ll tell you what I tell everyone else: Politically, I don’t think I can ever tell someone else what is best for their baby, their body, or their future. It is not my place to support a black-and-white law that affects thousands of people I don’t know and whose stories I don’t have business knowing. Personally, however, I’m not sure I can ever see myself in a situation where an abortion is the solution. A lot of people accept this response and say they understand it. Every now and again, though, I get someone who’s pro-choice and they hear the last part and jump in with “but what if you’re raped??”
First of all, I already said that I’m pro-choice and your hypothetical involving the worst possible scenario are not welcome or helpful. Using such a tragedy that happens to thousands of people every year should not help your case in any way, and I kind of hate pro-choicers who take this route. But you know what? Fine. Let’s answer your question.
“What if you’re raped?”
If I’m raped and conceive a child, then as far as I’m concerned what happens after that is none of your goddamned business.
If I carry that child to term and tell him from day one that I’m his mother and my husband is his father, that’s none of your business.
If I tell him from the beginning that his father is a bad man but his daddy is my husband, that’s none of your business.
If I put him up for adoption, that’s none of your business.
WHY I put him up for adoption (finances, career, memories, seeing the rapist’s face in his eyes, whatever) is none of your business.
If I am, for whatever reason, unable to carry that child to term, it’s none of your business.
Here’s what IS your business:
Creating a culture where “what if you’re raped?” is NOT our go-to scenario for possible pregnancies.
Create a culture where instead of “how to prevent getting raped” seminars on campus, we have “don’t fucking rape people, you stupid piece of shit” seminars.
Create a culture where instead of giving girls rape whistles and telling them to avoid being alone we give boys a set of bolt cutters and tell them to use them to cut down what they can’t control.
Create a culture where victims of rape aren’t pitied for their (almost always expected) permanent self-esteem issues but who slut-shamed if they come out of it with any shred of self-confidence at the end of the ordeal.
Create a culture where the rapist is at least held to the same 9 month-18 year sentence that his victim is apparently expected to endure. No more of this 3 fucking months shit.
THAT’S your business in rape culture. Stop focusing on the victims—women and unexpected children—and start focusing on the shits that make their welfare such a priority or even an issue. You want to prevent rape-related abortion? START BY PREVENTING RAPE. Want to prevent rape? Focus on those who might do the raping, not those who might be raped.