On Faith: What I *Really* Trust

Today I was talking to someone about the struggles I’m having with getting enough pre-orders to publish my first novel. The woman was kind and genuinely wanted to reassure me, but I was a little put-off by her response: “Pray and have faith!” This is the 4th time someone has told me something along these lines. I think I offended her when I replied
“Thanks, but it won’t be God that makes this happen. It’ll be people.”
She excused herself shortly thereafter, but it got me thinking. And reminded me of this post. I’ve grown a lot since originally writing this over a year ago, but in the wake of everything that has happened in our world since then, I’m glad I dug it up to read again. Hopefully you all get something worthwhile out of it, too.
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The Fight Continues

This is short update on the various posts about mental health and treatment  that I’ve been putting up over the last couple of weeks.

First, I want to say that my medication is working well, and life is… good. I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts in almost a week, and I feel certain again that I can face any challenge that comes my way. I smile more, and things don’t seem as overwhelming. I’m back to looking forward to challenges and overcoming difficulties. I’m writing again. And I remember what it is to feel unbreakable. There are some cracks in the armor, still, but I at least feel like they’re repairable. Every day is a little bit better. And, more importantly, I’m still trying to make it better for other people that suffer from depression in my community. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can do something about it. I don’t feel weak and insignificant anymore. I don’t feel like I’m unworthy of change. Continue reading

I Tried to Get Help Today. This is How That Went.

I suffer from depression. I am not ashamed of that. Nor am I ashamed that I sometimes need medication to help me through darker points in my life. It has taken me many years and a lot of self-reflection to get to the point that I feel comfortable enough to say all of this. It’s taken a lot for me to get to where I don’t judge myself every time I admit that I suffer from a mental health disorder. Which is why I’m still working on not expecting horrible judgments when I talk to others about it.

But there are some places that you can go knowing that you won’t get judged. Today, when I realized I needed help, I went to my local hospital. I thought I’d get the help I needed there. I thought I’d be treated with respect for admitting I had a problem that I couldn’t fix on my own. I thought a lot of things. Continue reading